Navigating Surrogacy As A Spouse

Delivering Hope is here to support the spouse of surrogates as well

How To Support Your Spouse

Answering Your Spouse Questions

Role Of The Spouse During Surrogacy

Being a supportive spouse during the surrogacy journey is crucial to the surrogate’s overall well-being and success; Delivering Hope requires the spouse to be involved and supportive. The emotional stability and encouragement provided by a spouse can significantly impact the surrogate’s experience, helping her to navigate the physical and emotional demands of the process. This journey is not just a personal commitment for the surrogate; it’s a partnership that requires understanding, patience, and active involvement from her spouse. By being present and engaged, the spouse helps to alleviate stress, making the surrogacy experience smoother and more fulfilling. This level of support ensures that your spouse feels valued and cared for, allowing her to focus on helping create a family for a set of intended parents.

In addition to emotional support, a spouse’s practical assistance is essential throughout the surrogacy journey. This support can take many forms, from helping with household responsibilities to accompanying your spouse to medical appointments and being present during key moments of the pregnancy. These acts of partnership and teamwork not only strengthen your spouse’s resolve but also highlight the importance of a solid support network. By standing by your spouse through surrogacy in these practical aspects, you play a pivotal role in ensuring that they can navigate the process with confidence and peace of mind. This level of involvement is not just beneficial for your spouse but also contributes significantly to the success of the entire surrogacy journey.

"Supporting someone through their journey is a profound act of love, but having that unwavering support in return is what truly strengthens the bond and makes the journey worthwhile."

Supporting Your Spouse Through Surrogacy

Supporting your spouse is a crucial aspect of ensuring a positive and fulfilling surrogacy journey. Emotional support is paramount as surrogates undergo significant physical and emotional changes. Providing a listening ear, offering words of encouragement, and being present during challenging moments can make a substantial difference. Practical support is equally important, including helping with household tasks, accompanying your spouse to medical appointments, and assisting with childcare if needed. This comprehensive support system ensures that the surrogate feels valued, cared for, and capable of focusing on the remarkable task of carrying a child for someone else.

Open communication is another key element in supporting your spouse. Regular check-ins to discuss her feelings, concerns, and needs help build a trusting and supportive relationship. Flexibility and understanding are also vital, as the surrogacy journey can be unpredictable and may require adjustments in plans and schedules. Celebrating milestones and showing appreciation for your spouses’ dedication and effort further enhance her fulfillment and motivation. These elements create a nurturing environment that empowers your spouse to navigate her journey with confidence and peace of mind.

How To Support Your Spouse

Emotional Support

Providing a listening ear, encouragement, and presence during challenging times.
Practical Support:

Assisting with household tasks, attending medical appointments, and helping with childcare.
Open Communication

Regular check-ins to discuss feelings, concerns, and needs, fostering trust and support.
Flexibility and Understanding

Adapting to changes and being accommodating to your spouse’s needs.
Celebrating Milestones

Acknowledging and appreciating your spourse’s dedication and effort throughout the journey.

How to Support Your Spouse At Each Stage of The Journey

Surrogate Consultation

As a spouse, your support and involvement in the initial consultation are invaluable. During our first call, we will get to know you both, understand your desires and needs for this journey, and take the time to explain the entire process. Your presence ensures that all questions are addressed, and your shared commitment will lay a strong foundation for the journey ahead. Our promise is to keep you both well informed and educated, every step of the way, so that you can support your partner effectively.

Apply for Surrogacy

Supporting your spouse through the application process is crucial. Together, you will complete an application outlining preferences and expectations and create a profile to match with an intended parent. Your involvement will help ensure your spouse’s match aligns with your family’s values and goals, making the process smoother and more collaborative.

Surrogate Matching

The matching process is a significant step where your support plays a key role. We match surrogates and intended parents based on communication styles, termination stance, personality, and unique criteria for each party. Once a potential match is found, it is recommended to review intended parent profile together. Participating in the video chat meeting with your spouse will help both of you feel confident in moving forward.

Surrogate Medical Screening

Your support is essential during your spouse’s medical screening. Your spouse will undergo medical screenings and psychological evaluations individually and as a group. Your presence and encouragement during this stage will strengthen your spouse’s confidence and ensure a smooth process, preparing you for the next steps in the journey.

Contracts & Escrow

As the process advances, your role in supporting your spouse becomes even more crucial. Delivering Hope will assist your spouse in finding an attorney experienced in surrogacy contracts. Being involved in reviewing and finalizing the contract helps ensure that both of you are comfortable with the terms. Around 20 weeks, the attorney will also start the parentage process to ensure everything is ready for the birth. Your support during this legal phase is vital to maintaining clarity and confidence.

Surrogate Medication

Once contracts are signed, your spouse will begin the medication cycle. Supporting your spouse through this phase includes helping manage the medication schedule, accompanying her to appointments, and providing emotional support. She will begin medications to prepare her body for the embryo transfer, and your encouragement will be crucial as she undergoes several ultrasounds and lab tests to monitor her progress. We will help facilitate any travel arrangements for the transfer appointment, and your involvement ensures she feels supported every step of the way. This time can feel overwhelming so being there for your spouse can make all the difference.

Embryo Transfer

The embryo transfer is a pivotal moment in the surrogacy journey. If your spouse is out of town, she will travel the day before the transfer. Your presence will also be a tremendous source of support for your spouse. Your doctor may require 48 hours of bed rest before your spouse can travel home, and being there to support her during this time will strengthen your partnership and commitment.

Pregnancy Confirmation

About 10 days post-transfer, pregnancy will be confirmed via a blood test. Your support during the early stages of pregnancy is critical as your spouse will have several appointments to monitor hormone levels. An ultrasound will be scheduled for 6-8 weeks to confirm a heartbeat, and base compensation payments will begin. Around 8-10 weeks of pregnancy, your spouse will transition to an obstetrician in her area for the duration of the pregnancy. Your ongoing support and involvement in these appointments will provide reassurance and stability.

Watch The Baby Grow

Delivering Hope will continue supporting you and your spouse throughout the pregnancy. We encourage you to attend or video conference appointments. Your support and involvement during this time are crucial for maintaining a positive and nurturing environment and ensuring your spouse feels cared for.

Supporting Your Spouse Through Surrogacy

4 Videos

On The Fence Of Surrogacy

2:41

Delivery Experience from a Dads viewpoint

3:15

Telling Your Friends and Family

3:10

Dad Sacrifices

4:53

Spouse of Surrogate FAQs

How can I best support my spouse during the surrogacy journey?

Supporting your spouse during the surrogacy journey involves being emotionally available, attending medical appointments, and helping manage medications and schedules. Open communication is critical—regularly check in with your spouse about how they are feeling and offer your assistance with any tasks or concerns they may have. Your active involvement and understanding will provide essential stability and reassurance throughout the process.

How to navigate seeing your wife pregnant and it’s not yours. How do you handle that?

Seeing your wife pregnant with a child that isn’t yours can bring up complex emotions, and it’s completely normal to feel uncertain or even conflicted. The key to navigating these feelings is understanding the profound impact your wife is having on another family’s life. Open communication with your wife is crucial—talk about your feelings, express your concerns, and remember that you are both in this together. It’s also important to recognize that your wife’s pregnancy, while physically similar to her previous pregnancies, is different in purpose. By focusing on the positive outcome of helping another family achieve their dream, you can shift your perspective and feel proud of the role you both play in this life-changing journey. Involvement in the process, whether by attending appointments or participating in discussions with the intended parents, can also help you feel more connected to the experience.

Is this a safe thing for my wife to do? Are there any health risks?

Surrogacy is generally a safe process, especially when managed by experienced professionals like those at Delivering Hope. Your wife will undergo a thorough medical screening before being approved as a surrogate, which includes evaluating her health and medical history to ensure she is a good candidate for surrogacy. Additionally, throughout the pregnancy, she will receive comprehensive medical care to monitor her health and the baby’s development. While all pregnancies carry some level of risk, the medical teams involved are dedicated to minimizing these risks and ensuring a safe and healthy experience for your wife. If you have specific concerns, it’s important to discuss them with the medical professionals involved, who can provide detailed information about what to expect and how they are managing any potential risks.

I don't feel a part of this journey with my wife. Is that normal?

It’s not uncommon for spouses to feel a bit disconnected during the surrogacy process, especially since much of the focus is on the surrogate and the intended parents. However, it’s important to remember that you play a vital role in this journey. Feeling left out is normal, but there are ways to get more involved and feel like a part of the process. Communicate with your wife about how you’re feeling, and ask how you can be more involved. Whether it’s attending medical appointments, joining video calls with the intended parents, or being present at key moments like the embryo transfer or birth, your involvement can make you feel more connected. Remember, your support is invaluable, and being actively engaged can help reinforce the partnership and teamwork that are essential in this journey.

Will the meds affect my wife’s emotions?

Yes, fertility medications can affect your wife’s emotions, and it’s important to be prepared for potential mood swings, irritability, and emotional ups and downs. These medications are designed to prepare your wife’s body for pregnancy, but they can also cause hormonal changes that impact her emotional state. The best way to handle these changes is with patience, understanding, and open communication. Be a supportive presence, listen to her concerns, and provide reassurance when she feels overwhelmed. Creating a calm and supportive environment where she feels safe to express her emotions can make a significant difference. Additionally, helping with practical tasks around the house or taking on more responsibilities can alleviate some of her stress, allowing her to focus on her well-being. Remember, these emotional changes are temporary, and your support is crucial in helping her navigate this part of the surrogacy journey with confidence and peace of mind.

Anticipated Costs

Surrogate base compensation starts at $45,000 but can vary slightly by surrogate. Delivering Hope will provide a copy of a potential surrogate’s compensation package upon presentation of a profile.

Agency Fee

The Total Agency Fee is $28,000:

$5,000 Is Due Upon Matching With Your Surrogate
$11,500 Is Due Upon Your Surrogate’s Medical Clearance.
$11,500 Is Due Upon Final Signing Of Contracts

Surrogate Compensation

$200 Monthly Allowance (starts upon completion of legal contracts through 6 weeks post partum)
$500 After Contract Completion
$500 Medication Start Fee
$1,500 Transfer Fee
$750,000 Life Insurance Policy

Travel & Medical

$100 Monthly for Wellness (Chiropractic, Massage, etc)
All Medical Expenses Paid
Health Insurance(if needed)
Including but not limited to: parking, airfare, luggage fees, mileage reimbursement, transportation, parking fees, hotel and meals for surrogate plus 1 travel companion for embryo transfer and any subsequent appointments over 40 miles from GC’s home. Meal Reimbursement for the surrogate = $75 & $75 per day for companion.

Additional Expenses

$6700-$9000 Legal Fees
$1,000-$1500 Escrow Account Management
$1,500-$2200 Psychological Evaluation Fees
$450 Surrogate’s Personal Insurance Policy Review/Proof of Coverage (required if using surrogate’s policy, to verify no surrogacy exclusions)
3 Hours Weekly Housekeeping – Starting At 30 Weeks
$750 Maternity Clothing Allowance
$500 Post Birth Gift (customized)