for the surrogates & spouses
for the surrogates & spouses
Delivering Hope is built on the foundational idea of support. We define support in many ways and we understand the critical difference the right kind of support can make at the right time – a deep conversation, help with practical details, regular words of encouragement, or just a sounding board and a shoulder to cry on. Surrogacy can be challenging in many surprising ways and it’s important to us that you feel supported at every point in your journey. We want to be the guideposts but also the traveling partner walking alongside you. You have wholeheartedly taken on the task of helping someone else’s dreams become reality, and we want to be there for you to show how much your selflessness is appreciated.
Why spousal support is necessary and how your journey will affect him.
When you choose to pursue surrogacy, you are making a life-altering decision that will affect you in many ways. However, you are not the only person who will be impacted. It is important to think about the many ways your surrogate pregnancy will affect your significant other. The husbands or partners of surrogates play a vital role in the surrogate journey so if your significant other is not supportive of your surrogacy plans, or if your relationship is not stable going into the surrogacy process, there can be significant ramifications for your success as a surrogate, your relationship and your well-being. Talking to your partner before deciding to become a surrogate is not only necessary, it is the best way to prepare for your journey ahead.
Every surrogacy experience is different, and some couples may face more challenges than others. Here are some common ways your relationship may be impacted by surrogacy:
Leading up to the embryo transfer you will take fertility medications which can make a pregnancy more likely. You and your partner will need to abstain from intimate activity during this time as well as after the transfer, until the heartbeat is confirmed— likely between 1-3 months. You will also have to consent to doctors’ orders about abstaining from sex if complications arise. Your level of intimacy may also decrease during pregnancy as many couples are generally less intimate during this time, and others feel differently about sex when carrying a baby for another family.
People who are unfamiliar with surrogacy are often intrigued by it and have a lot of questions and comments. Your partner may be asked about how he feels about the pregnancy. You both need to be prepared to answer these questions and to talk about surrogacy with others.
As with any other pregnancy, certain activities will have to be put on hold or limited. You may be required to rest or even be put on bed rest, and you may be too tired to take part in family outings. Travel will not be permitted during the last part of pregnancy.
Your partner may need to help with more of the household chores, childcare, and daily logistics during your pregnancy. Putting this on the table in advance allows couples to strategize, prioritize, and plan for potential shifts in the division of household labor.
Some examples of practical ways your spouse can help keep you off your feet and alleviate stress are:
Take over specific and pre-arranged tasks in the realms of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping.
Tending to the children- helping kids with homework, picking up kids from school, taking them to their activities, and bedtime.
Having your spouse’s support througout the surrogacy process is invaluable for many reasons as your decision has an affect on your entire family. This process can be long and sometimes emotional so it is important that you protect your relationship during your journey. Your partner is likely in awe of your selfless decision to help another family have a child but sometimes he may feel left out as the spotlight is mostly on you and the baby. Here are a few suggestions on how you can keep him involved and feeling like he is part of the process… because he is!
Communicate Communicate Communicate! You already know communication is huge in keeping any relationship healthy. This is likely a new experience for both of you and it will impact you both differently. It is important to be open and honest and tell each other how you are feeling so you can support each other effectively.
Remember this is only temporary – When challenging moments arise, household duties and responsibilities shift, or hormones are making you grumpy, remember this process is temporary and you are giving an amazing gift and changing someone else’s lives. Sometimes you may need to remind each other that this is temporary and when it’s over, it will be something to always look back on with fondness.
Involve your partner in important moments – Sometimes the relationship can get focused on the surrogate and intended mother but the spouses can also be a big part of this process. Find out if he wants to join the video call updates to get to know the intended parents, perhaps join you at some of your appointments and be at the birth.
Make sure he knows how much you appreciate his support. Surrogacy is not a journey just for the surrogate, it involves the whole family and his life will inevitably be changed by this experience also. Support from your spouse is imperative, make sure he knows you appreciate the sacrifices he is making so you can live this dream.
Delivering Hope is here to support you in all ways through your surrogacy journey. If you want to talk more about the ways surrogacy may affect your relationship or how you can support each other, please contact your coordinator or email [email protected].
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